BONUS DISK: SPECIAL FEATURES & DELETED SCENES

It's true enough. I forgot to include three movies in my previous lists. Two are 'almost made it' movies, and the third deserves a spot as a movie that 'almost made the worst list'.

The first movie I forgot to mention was Double Indemnity. It's a standard affair/murder plot back from the days of film noir, with great acting and suspenseful twists. As an added twist, the main character, that delves into both crime and murder is...Fred MacMurray? You might remember him as the father on the old show 'My Three Sons'. He's obviously playing against type here, and he does it spookily well. Joining him as his good natured boss is...Edward G. Robinson?! You probably remember him as the big lipped gangster that from the old crime movies. He's the gangster they make fun of in all the Bugs Bunny cartoons (Yah see...yah). Seeing them essentially 'switch roles' is amazing, and very entertaining.

The third is 'A Shock to the System', starring Michael Caine. It's a suspenseful, 'root for the bad guy' type of movie that wouldn't have been nearly as good if Michael Caine wasn't the star. He steals the show, keeps it, and then puts it on his mantle. He earned it.

The movie that almost won a dishonorable mention is 'Battlefield Earth'. It didn't quite get worst because it's so laughably bad that it's mildly entertaining. The writing is some of the dumbest I've ever seen in sci-fi, and putting it all on the big screen doesn't make any of it any less idiotic. John Travolta steals the show...which is kind of like a three legged dog beating a one legged dog in a race. Still, he's funny. I'm pretty sure he wasn't really supposed to be though, and that's what's sad.


MISCELLANEOUS MOVIES

After the first post on my favorite/least favorite movies, I realized that there's quite a few movies out there that I love, but aren't really easy to define. Comedies? Dramas? Romances? Quite a few musicals find their way here as well, because what kind of drama has the actors sing and dance halfway through? Anyway, here's the best and worst of the mutts.


Honorable Mention: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

This movie deserves a bonus as being the most faithful book to movie adaptation in history. Of course, this wasn't really a book that was ever meant to become a movie.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas follows the memoirs (and I have no doubt that this is all true, it's Hunter S. Thompson after all) of a drugged up, insane journalist and his side-kick/lawyer, Dr. Gonzo, who's even crazier than he is. Johnny Depp plays the role perfectly, and Terry Gilliam's direction is amazingly psychotic, just what the movie really needed.

What really fuels the movie is the friendship between Hunter and Dr. Gonzo, because while Hunter is more or less the same level of 'crazy' at all times, Dr. Gonzo goes from perfectly normal (when not on drugs) to dangerously psychotic. Not only does Dr. Gonzo play with guns, threaten people with knives, try to electrocute himself for no apparent reason, and bring home ridiculously underage girlfriends, but Hunter has to be the one that cleans things up...which has questionable results, obviously.

My favorite line, which sums it all up, comes near the end:

"Our only hope was that our crimes were so ridiculous, so unbelievable, that no one with the power to bring the hammer down upon us would every believe it happened."

At no point do they actually hurt anyone...but they manage to break virtually every other law on the books during the course of the movie, all in hilariously disastrous fashion.


BEST ??? MOVIE: Boondock Saints

Suspense? Comedy? Crime drama? Cop/detective movie? Action/buddy movie? Whatever it is, Boondock Saints is just as hilarious as it is action packed, and it keeps switching between two, almost completely different movies. You have the action/comedy hero vigilante movie, and then you'll switch to the police end of things, only instead of police officers trying to close in on the bad guys, they're closing in on the good guys! It's a fantastic film with strong performances from everyone involved, especially Wilum Dafoe, as the highly amusing macho, gay super-cop. I also recommend watching the deleted and extended scenes. They're all very funny, especially the scene with their mother.

The only bad thing I can say about this movie is that it skims the line separating it from a 'psychopathic snob' movie. In one scene, they kill two guys just because they're at the same place the other bad guys are (basically a sex show) and look like bad guys. I hate to break it to them, but they had more convincing evidence at the Salem Witch trials. Sure, a live sex show isn't exactly a classy place, and they were probably fairly scummy, but they could have easily killed perfectly innocent 'creepy guys'. Still, it's only one scene, and it's easy to ignore it.

As an added note, I'd like to take a moment to mention that the 'psychopathic snob' genre does not include movies like American Psycho or Silence of the Lambs. I'm not saying that all movies that have a likable villain fall into this category. What makes the movies 'psycho snobs' movies is how they're portrayed. Is their actions shown as 'good'. Does the director believe these actions are good, and should be emulated? Obviously no one expects you to act like Hannibal Lecter, Jason, Freddy or the Joker. They're bad people doing bad things. It's alright for them to be entertaining, as long as it's made very clear that the actions are not good ones.


Almost Made the List:

There's a lot of them. In fact, there's so many, the last genre will have to wait for next week.

MASH (Not much like the TV series based on it, but its gritty realism and brilliantly dark comedy makes it a great movie. All the characters are believable, and they don't tell jokes as much as they just act really silly, which comes across really well. As an added bonus, 'Radar' in the movie is played by the same actor that plays him in the show.)

Dr. Strangelove (This came really close to beating Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but just like Michael Caine, it's a very good movie that's only made legendary because of an actor, specifically, Peter Sellers. Peter plays three different parts in the movie, and they'll all leave you rolling in the aisles, especially the ex-Nazi scientist, who keeps accidentally lapsing into his old ways. A must see, but just a tad too slow to win the day.)

Shaun of the Dead (A great movie, although the balance between comedy and horror dips a little too close to horror sometimes, but it's still a brilliant and thoroughly enjoyable movie. As a side note, I'm not a fan of the 'one bite and you're a zombie' movies. It takes some of the suspense out of it. If they're bitten, you know they're dead. There's no longer any question about it.)

Project A-KO (What a delightfully bizarre anime, which like many great movies, keeps escalating as the movie progresses. It starts with teenage girls, madcap comedy and typical anime property damage, but things surprisingly escalate, with giant robots, an alien invasion, and three young girls who are way too wrapped up in their own petty fights to realize most of it is happening. Watch for the clue to A-KO's origin near the end, in the scene with her parents. The sequels weren't quite as good, but they rarely are.)

An American Werewolf in London (The balance between comedy and horror is done a bit better here, with a dash of romance thrown in. I really liked it.)

Donnie Darko (You've probably heard me rant, but this film is great. You have to watch the director's cut to really understand everything though, especially the fact that since Donnie has read the book, he already knows what's going to happen at the end. A wonderfully subtle movie.)

Sleepy Hollow (Dark and bloody, silly and scary. Like Shaun, it's a little too dark to really capture our hearts, but it doesn't detract anything from the movie itself, which is great. It takes a lot of courage to make a movie much darker than the viewers would like it to be. You always feel a little uncomfortable, and that's what makes the movie work.)

Being John Malkovich (Some movies go out of their way to be really strange, and either it works or it doesn't. In this case, it definitely works. John Malkovich plays himself, and finds out he's the center of a small universe. At no point is he glorified, as his only obvious merit is the fact he's famous. That's the point of the movie. Everyone's obsessed with him, simply because he's famous. If he wasn't famous, no one would have cared. It's a movie about our obsession with celebrities, and how far we're willing to go to become one ourselves...if only for fifteen minutes at a time.)

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (Very entertaining, and wonderfully confusing. It doesn't seem fair that 'Time Bandits' gets so much more attention than this movie. I think the problem was Time Bandits was an unexpected hit, which made everyone expect a lot from Baron Munchausen, and although I loved it, the general public didn't. Watch for cameos galore, and unforgettable fun. Of course, none of it will make much sense, or clearly fit any genre, but you'll have a good time.)

Secret of Nimh (The family/kids movie that isn't for kids, and Tim Burton had nothing to do with it. Dark, shocking and powerful, even today.)

Rocky Horror Picture Show (Perhaps the hardest to define of all. Filled with great songs, a ridiculous plot, and fantastic characters. In a sense, it's the most perfect 'Frankenstein'-like movie ever made. The movie itself is the monster. ^_^ Be sure to watch the special features, to hear all the great trashy details about its creation.)

The People Versus Larry Flynt (A painfully honest memoir, with all the highs and lows you can imagine. Woody Harrelson plays Larry Flynt, the lovable creep, to perfection. Yes, he's a sick, twisted old pervert, and yes, he has every legal right to be one. You can't help but cheer him on.)

Do the Right Thing (Spike Lee's first big movie, and definitely his best. Racial tension in a predominantly black neighborhood. It's not only about conflicting people or conflicting cultures, but conflicting mindsets. The characters from different races/backgrounds literally do not think the same way, and that's the true cause of the tension. It all comes out wonderfully, and in the end, no one is really the 'bad guy'. Shit just happens. The only question is if we choose to repeat it.)

Crybaby (Roger Water's best movie, which is kind of like saying...ah, I played that joke out. Listen, Roger Waters has made some weird movies, most of which include a 350 pound transvestite, usually as the femme fatale. His movies are strange and ugly, and this musical satire is a glorious celebration of both the weird and sensational. 'Hair' did the same thing, but I think Crybaby was better...damn there's a lot of Johnny Depp movies in here. What can I say? The man's a great actor.)

Fight Club (This movie was so much better than I expected, I would have hit the floor the first time I saw it...had I not already been on the floor. Drinking was involved. Anyway, the movie is often gross and always violent, but it manages to tell a great story, without ever dipping into the 'psycho snob' territory. None of this is portrayed as a good thing. If anything, it's a cautionary tale. Stay for the credits, and discover what the protagonist's real name is.)

Groundhog's Day (almost a straight comedy, but it dips far enough into romance and fantasy to make the cut. It would have been great in any case, but Bill Murray really carries the movie to impressive heights. A must see for any Bill Murray fan. It came close to winning, but it gets a little...repetitive. Ironic, huh?)

Groundhog's Day (almost a straight comedy, but it dips far enough...just kidding)

Rocky (Sports movie? Drama? Action? All these things and more. The first Rocky movie is incredibly solid, with a remarkable performance from Stallone. The inevitable match itself is movie history, and Stallone makes it believable, every step of the way.)


WHEW! That's a lot of hard to define movies! Hmm...I wonder if hard to define movies are my favorite genre? It's definitely possible.


WORST HARD TO DEFINE MOVIES


Dishonorable Mention: Manos, the Hand of Fate

You knew it was coming, right? If you haven't seen this movie, you'll never see anything else like it, until you do. Filmed on a home video camera, with two people dubbing in all the voices later, a family, a building, ridiculous costumes, brides of Satan, a Satyr named Torgo, and theme music for the Satyr named Torgo.

No words can possibly describe how hilariously bad this movie is.

You know...I think it could have worked.

Hear me out, I think with the right crew, a better script, some better equipment, and a little more focus on Torgo, this movie could have actually been something...okay, it wouldn't have been great, but I can see how someone could start with the idea for this movie on paper (he was a fertilizer salesman actually) and go on to create this. What he didn't account for, was his complete inability to make a coherent movie. It isn't even consistent enough to be horror. If you mix the Exorcist with The Hills Have Eyes, throw in a dash of Zardos, and edit down to a PG rating, you'd get this movie. Why you'd ever want to is beyond me.


WORST 'WTF' MOVIE: Anything by Michael Moore

It's hard to hate Michael Moore movies without it sounding political. The truth is, I don't like Anne Coulter any better, but at least she has the decency not to make movies, and if she did, there would be genuine anger involved, and at least a little less ego.

I'm prepared to leave the politics aside. Forget whether he's right or wrong. Forget about the political issues altogether. Just imagine what would happen if he made a movie on...I don't know...puppies.

Let's review his likely steps:

1. Dress like an unpopular college Freshman. Perfect.

2. Grab a camera guy, and ambush pet store employees, interrupting them as they work. Ask all the tough questions, like 'what type of puppy is your favorite', and make sure you capture yourself in every shot. There's no reason to have the person you're interviewing more than half the screen. Edit the footage to make them look corrupt and irrational.

3. After filming yourself for a few months, add a few shots of actual puppies. Make sure you're the one holding the puppies in the scene.

4. Include a short animated film where the president stomps on puppies.

5. Run up to random politicians while they're walking through the street with their families. Demand answers as to what 'Washington' is doing for puppies. Claim the moral high ground. Have at least one shot of someone walking away, ignoring you.

6. Get thrown out by security at least once.

7. Edit the footage down to 187 minutes.

8. Make the DVD. Put a picture of yourself on the cover, wearing a giant puppy outfit. Consider putting actual puppies on the cover as well. Decide against it.

9. Win 20 awards.

10. Die. Just...die.


NEXT WEEK: CIRCUS PEANUTS...wait, what?