STOP THE PRESSES!!!

I just discovered that Myspace is even scarier than I realized.

Just as I was about to message all those scary, sketchy people...they began messaging me...let's watch!

Friend request #1:

'User and Abuser' is a sexy, shameless cam-whore who isn't afraid to appear completely naked in front of an internet camera. I'm not horrified by any means...but I'm pretty sure I can get herpes from touching the 'approve' button, so I'll call this one even.

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Friend request #2:

'Broken Poets' starts their (it's about three people) page with the quote "everything in nature has its own will". It seems less a person as a group of people, and less a myspace page as a free advertisement for a band that's recently opened for Seven Mary Three, James McMurtry, and Ian Moore. The band has had recent performances at Los Angeles “hot spot” venues such as The Key Club, Whisky A Go-Go, Molly Malone’s, as well as some of New York’s top venues like Arlene Grocery, The Gaslight, and The Bitter End.

For more information, please contact: Kelly MacGaunn * kelleemack pr

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Friend request #3: "Jayda" (no picture) who is just an average girl going to college, making her with with the help of PAIDSURVEY ADVERTISING! You can just take a look at the graph of how much money she's made through PAIDSURVEY ADVERTISING and click on the link to go directly to the PAIDSURVEY ADVERTISING site! She's a real person!

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Friend request #4: "Lucy" has a wonderful picture of her pretending to...insert something in her mouth...something vaguely cylindrical shaped...I'm sure Amber will let me know when I'm a bit older. Or I can just ask Christian. Again, nothing too scary, I'll just click to the link her to see more pictures of her...on this amatuer porn site. Wow! How very interes...HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Still, that picture was worth clicking on.

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Friend request #5: "Black Soap" is an amatuer rapper who's using myspace as free advertising...but unlike request #1 it is HIS myspace page...and he lists contact information so that he can actually communicate with people...and he's not making any shameless attempt to sell me anything...he's okay.

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Friend request #6: "Morgan" is another shameless REAL PERSON and would like to let everyone know about her favorite website ADULT FRIEND FINDER! Nothing new. Mulligan.

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Friend request #7: "My Shirt Sucks.com". Personal information: Coupon Special! $5 off!

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Friend request #8: "White Mike". Another rapper, this one white and completely shameless.

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Friend request #9: "Sara" is a bikini model who would like you to visit her website! Uh...I just might...no no Max, stay strong. Still, mulligan.

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Friend request #10: "Christian" is some guy with a beard and...oh hey Christian. Already a friend. Mulligan.

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Friend request #11: "Mia" is a sexy 19 year old girl who would like me to go to...oh, she doesn't have a porn site. She's just a sexy 19 year old girl on Myspace. I didn't realize they actually existed.

2-4-5

Friend request #12: "Rachel" is a young attractive woman who lives in...holy cow! Freehold, New Jersey! She likes Family Guy, Goonies, Labyrinth and Lost! There's probably a scam in there somewhere, but I'm too intrigued to care!

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Friend request #13: "Abigail" is wearing a t-shirt that says 'I wish these were brains' and she's a shameless cam-whore. Well, can't blame her for being open about it. Wait, I could probably blame her little.

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Friend request #14: white rapper "Nominee"! In stores now!

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Friend request #15: "Michelle" is another shameless bikini wearing...well she isn't selling anything directly, but the lack of personal information and her messaging of random guys is fairly sketchy. Mulligan.

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Friend request #16: "Amber". Hey Amby! Mulligan!

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Friend request #17: "Nicole". An 18 year old Asian girl who wants to meet me, played by a 30 year old Asian cam-whore.

3-5-9

Friend request #18: "Tracy" is 29 with no picture...but no scam...not enough information for a scam. Alright, I'll bite.

4-5-9

Friend request #19: "Angie" wants to know if I remember her! She makes no attempt to identify herself, and I've never met anyone remotely like her, but she would like you to check out SINGLESNET.COM. Her screenname is swtk877...and there's no such person on SINGLESNET.COM, but now that I have seen the website, I am SO interested in finding out more about this wonderful...moving on.

4-6-9

Friend request #20: "Sophia" appears to be a nice, normal woman from New York. Cool.

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Friend request #21: "Robin" is a nice woman from Freehold, New Jersey. No, no scam here (at least not an obvious one). I might be in trouble.

6-6-9

Friend request #22: "Christy" wants to know if I remember her! She makes no attempt to identify herself, and I've never met anyone remotely like her, but she would like you to check out SINGLESNET.COM. Her screenname is kg136783...and there's no such person on SINGLESNET.COM, but now that I have seen the website, I am SO interested in finding out more about this wonderful...wow, deja-vu.

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Friend request #23: "Laura" appears to be a nice young woman who would genuinely like to hear from me. You know, these are probably all scams, but at least these ones are plausible.

7-7-9

We may need a tie breaking round, unless this next one is...


Friend request #24: "Alta" "Christy" wants to know if I remember her! She makes no attempt to identify herself, and I've never met anyone remotely like her, but she would like you to check out SINGLESNET.COM. Her screenname is jennyk7...and there's no such person on SINGLESNET.COM, but now that I have seen the website, I am SO interested in finding out more about this wonderful...

You know, they probably would have been more effective if they only did this once.

7-8-9

Satisfactory judges?