MANIFESTO?

Well, I'm getting ready for an extended trip all the way to...what?

Oh right! I almost forgot.


Beauty and the Geeks


Well, I'm afraid I don't have the all important 'true resolution' to Mary and the Geeks yet, as she hasn't been around the last week or so, but I can give her immediate reactions to the geeks, and inform you of the 'winner'...















TENSION!














POINDEXTER!

That's right! It's geek #3! Despite not being the most attractive of the competitors, he actually treated her like a person instead of an alien species, and charmed his way into her heart!

Who knows if it will last, but merely getting this far makes him a Herculean hero by geek standards. My friend...I salute you.


As for the rest, here's her reaction to their intentions, and then their reactions to her choice:

GEEK 1 (Mr. Creepy): He came on strong and professed his undying love to a woman he hardly knew.

Her reaction:

She runs off and gets a ride home from someone else.

His reaction:

Doesn't come back for a week and a half. Tries to pretend it never happened.


GEEK 2 (The Flake): Just took it for granted that she'd choose him.

Her reaction:

Blew him off, and went for someone who actually paid attention to her.

His reaction:

Jaw struck the floor with a resounding force, but soon collected himself and moved on. It isn't like he can't get another girl.


GEEK 4 (The Robot): Stayed supportive and friendly.

Her reaction:

Appreciated it, but immediately sorted him into the 'just friends' category so fast his head spun.

His reaction:

His head spun.


GEEK 5 (Jerry Springer Guest): Casually hit on her, as he does with all women.

Her reaction:

More or less ignored it.

His reaction:

Shrugged and moved on.


GEEK 6 (That guy): Hid in corner.

Her reaction:

"Who? I don't think I've ever met that person."

His reaction:

Waits until she's gone and then goes back to playing games.


So what have we learned? Hell if I know. Obviously, being creepy is always a bad idea, and you actually have to talk to her at some poing. All those that believe 'looks' are all that matter may be surprised by the failure of the more attractive guys. Apparently, women also want to be paid attention to.

The most interesting thing to study from this is why Poindexter succeeded and the Robot failed. Of all the competitors, they're probably the most similar. The only real differences I can see is that 'Poindexter' was wackier and paid more direct attention to her, and that seems to be enough to make the difference. The only reason it might seem odd is because Poindexter was also a bid weirder and creepier.

So, the lesson for all geeks out there is as follows: PAY ATTENTION TO WOMEN!

Get interested in what they have to say. Never ignore them. Be prepared to drop everything at a moment's notice, should they suddenly be in need of attention or company.

Call it desperate or sad if you wish, but face it, it works.

I'll give updates as they come. Anyway, where was I...


MANIFESTO?

Next week I'm going to be going on a long trip to...FLORIDA! Yowza!

Anyway, it's for a friend's wedding, and I'm doing something I've always wanted to do. I'm taking a long train ride right down the entire East Coast. I absolutely love long train rides, and this one should be a lot of fun.

Of course, that gives me a lot of time on the train, enough time to write my MAGNUM OPUS!

No, I'm not shooting penguins! I'm getting ready to write my 'manifesto'.


A collection of my thoughts and political ideologies!


Something to document 'my struggle'!


Racism!


Nah, just kidding. Seriously though, I have no idea what to write. My political views are summed up as: 'Do what makes sense given the situation'. How am I going to stretch that into 500 pages?

I know! I'll stay up real late and come up with good ideas!


*THE FOLLOWING DAY*


Okay...I drank a lot of coffee and stayed up late writing, but I'm having trouble remembering what I was thinking while writing any of this, and I'm not sure if any of it makes sense.

Idea #1: How to End a Conversation

My first idea for a manifesto is a complete and thorough guide to what you should say right before leaving the room. I remember Amber saying...

"Since you're going to a wedding, that'd probably be useful to have. You'll probably be entering and leaving rooms a lot."

Yeah! In video games and movies people always say something along the lines of 'I'm pregnant' or 'he's my father' right before leaving the room, and I remember always thinking: what a horrible way to end a conversation! That's not the ending of a conversation, it's the beginning!

You wouldn't end a conversation by saying: "We should talk about our plans for next weekend." You wouldn't walk right out of the room with that, would you?

Here are a few things you can say to end conversations:

"I'm hungry."

"Excuse me, I have to go use the restroom."

"We'll talk about this later."

"Alright, let's go."

"I hate you and everything you stand for. Rot in hell, you stuck up bitch."


See? All perfect ways to end conversations!

Worthy of a 500 page manifesto? Uh...yes?

No, probably not.

The rest of the notes are even stranger:


Idea #2: Adorably Deformed

I remember looking at Amber's adorable yet horribly proportioned Spore creature and going:

MAX: "Awww...he's so adorably deformed!"

AMBER: "WHAT?"

MAX: "You know, like those cats and dogs online. Here, I'll look up a picture."

AMBER: "No, that's okay."


Idea #3: Solve the Meaning of Existence Without Math


Uh...I really wish I knew math. All I have are the words 'wave', 'particle', seven question marks, and four dollar signs.

Damn my BA in Business! Damn it straight to hell!


Idea #4: Acronyms?


The next one is just about twenty seven acronyms...at least I think they are. Apparently, I should:

Uydottgwgk

and afterwards I should

Wboembl

unfortunately, this should lead to

Msabslwhrosybgosfaybsp

but at least I'll be able to look myself in the mirror every morning and say I

Dtsatuedst

and they can't take that away from me.



Idea #5: Make a 'Silent Hill' choose your own adventure book.


Uh...actually, I don't see anything wrong with that idea. Kids love graphic decapitations!

Wait, let me take a look at idea #6 before deciding.


Idea #6: Write a book...THAT YOU CAN EAT!


Yeah, I think the R-rated children's book wins. Damn, what the hell was I even thinking last night? It's not even like I can blame it on booze...

Any other ideas for my epic manifesto?

Let me know! See you all later!