Friday, August 31, 2007


I don't know why my blog randomly sinks a few pages down (just to annoy me it seems to have stopped for now), but I'm too distracted by this article I read on videogame movies to care. It lists the 5 worst videogame movies ever as:

1. Super Mario Brothers (yes)

2. Doom (alright)

3. Street Fighter (very yes)

4. House of the Dead (Uwe Boll should die...just as a career move)

5. Resident Evil: Apocalypse (I can think of three worse video game movies)

Yeah, they're probably right, but enough of the 5 worst video game movies, let's list the 5 best!

1. The original Mortal Kombat. It's actually a very good action movie that stays fairly true to the original plot. One of the reasons it's great, and Street Fighter isn't, is that it actually stars talented martial artists (most of whom go on to star in the hilariously over the top TV series 'WMAC Masters'. Jonny Cage also adds some much needed laughs, and his fight scene with Scorpion is the best in the movie.

2. The first Resident Evil. It's honestly scary, it stays fairly true to the plot, the main female character is hawwwwwwwt, and the red queen is as creepy and vicious as little girls truely are. A must have (ever since it went to the bargain bin).

3. Silent Hill. Anyone who says otherwise is a massive tool. This movie was visually amazing, genuinely creepy, again fairly faithful to the plot, and has more memorable scenes then the entire Friday the 13th series put together. Yes, the ending was kind of weak, but they were trying to simultaneously please the foriegn fans of the film, who liked its spooky, existential atmosphere. The best true 'ghost story' that's come out in years.

4. Project Snake. The Metal Gear movie. What? You've never heard of a Metal Gear movie? That's because it was made by X-Strike Studios, an independent movie studio comprised of 20something actors who create hilarious and surprisingly well made spoofs of videogames into movies. All their stuff is really good, but Project Snake is definitely the best of them. Other movies include River City Rumble (based on River City Ransom), Silent Horror (based on Silent Hill), and Nth Mile: The Parrappa the Rappa story (I kid you not). I hate going on a rant, but I've always loved them. They're at

5. Final Fantasy: Advent Children. I'm not sure how 'Spirits Within' didn't make the worst videogame movie list, but Advent Children is a gift from the gaming Gods to videogame fans everywhere. Not only is it an exciting, wonderful movie, but it also gives the series closure, and lets us say a final farewell to one of gaming's most beloved characters. No, not Sephiroth. No, not Cloud. No, not the child that Sephiroth and Cloud had in your fanfic...Aeris! For God's sake...

Oh, and why isn't Mortal Kombat: Annihilation on that list? That powerfully sucked. They change 2/3 of the cast, kill Johnny Cage in the first 5 minutes, and the only good stunts are done by Liu Kang's stuntman, Tony Jaa (from Ong Bak).

Double Dragon was also worse than Resident Evil: Apocalypse. I didn't even see Resident Evil: Apocalypse and I can say that Double Dragon was worse. It wasn't worse than Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat 2, but lord was it bad.


Back to Boston. Saturday morning I woke up and took a shower. Nothing much to speak of there. The city was still fairly empty, which was fine by me.

I stopped by a local hole in the wall breakfast joint, and was treated to the best hash browns I've ever eaten. They FRIED them. Yum! I even took a picture of them for posterity.

Today I would walk the historic freedom trail, a long line of historical landmarks through the city. First stop was the Boston Common, which was a literal smorgisborg of homeless people. Luckily most of them were still asleep (I assume the Common is a popular crashing place), and after watching a particularly brave squirrel encroach upon the 'birds' turf, I found the most generic monument ever. It was a large gazebo dedicated to the city in general, for no particular reason. That's it. It was sad.

The NEXT monument was far from sad. Thirty foot tall pillar with a soldier on top, and angels surrounding the base, dedicated to the men who died in the civil war. Now THAT'S a monument!

The first stop on the historic trail was Starbucks. It was really fricking hot, and I needed a frappacino really bad. The second stop was an old church where generic historic things happened, the most interesting one being when the construction of the subway almost killed the head minister, when a pipe burst and buried his study in a tidal wave of mud. His sermon the next week was on the EVILS of the subway.

The second stop was a few boring cemetaries. A little girl passed me, asking why they were looking at a cemetary when they never heard of any of the people buried there. She had a point.

The third stop was the John Hancock building (snicker), but I wasn't allowed in, I was only allowed to look at it as I passed by the General Hooker entrance (double snicker). I remember the large statue of the General sitting proudly on his horse, with the word printed below him, in giant letters: HOOKER (oh come on, even the guys back in 1776 had to be snickering!)

The fourth stop was another Starbucks. Did I mention it was hot?

The fifth stop was an old statehouse where men in suits slammed their fists down hard and shouted 'HARUMPH'. They had this neat diorama of the city of Boston, and if you pressed a button marked a certain event, it'd light up the spot where the event happened. Oh, for a little Godzilla figure.

There was a neat display about the radical left wing political types that were as whiny and annoying two hundred years ago as they are today. There was also a very nice and poignant quote by an African American speaker who asked 'Is what Britian did to you even a hundreth as bad as what you've done to my people?'

I imagine there were a lot of uncomfortable coughs and whistles in that room.

The sixth stop (there were more places in the trail, these are just the places I stopped) was a museum dedicated to the Boston Massacre. Apparently a lot of drunk guys started hooting, hollering and throwing garbage at some British soldiers, and in response the soldiers mowed them down with gunfire (I think the British were getting warmed up for Ireland).

I saw an original copy of the famous flier depicting the event, and a few weapons marked as early American muskets, which a friendly teacher who happened to also be on the tour, informed me weren't accurate. Apparently those were actually mainly used by the British, and were the main reason they lost the war. They used short muskets that could hit things 50 feet away. We used muskets that could hit things 100 feet away, from around trees, and our enemies were even color coded bright red for our convenience (Britian always seems to be preparing to fight the last the beginning of World War I, they had the best horse calvary in the world...which went about as well as you imagine).

Quincy market was next, and it was there I ate the best bowl of Clam Chowder in all of Boston. It's at a small place called 'The Oyster Bar'. To be honest, the soup at the Whiskey Tavern was probably a bit better, but at the Oyster Bar, you get it in a sourdough bread bowl. Beyond any measure of yummness. Off the chart.

I saw Cheers. Not much to mention except that they re-created the main bar area. It was also at a gift shop around there that I found the perfect gift for Heather: an item that represents the heart and soul of all Boston...

A teddy bear dressed in a lobster outfit.

It doesn't get more real then that.

Seventh stop was a Starbucks.


Wow, a lot happened on Saturday, so I think I'll leave the rest for next time. Nothing happened on Sunday though (except I came close to missing my train home...stupid late subway trains), so next time will be the rest!


Saturday, August 25, 2007

There's Actually a Fair Bit of Ocean Between Boston and St. John's

The train trip up to Boston included the worst Dunkin Doughnuts Coolata I've ever tasted (burnt, spoiled and over-sweetened), and a neverending gaggle of loud, merciless children.

Luckily, the kids didn't have the willpower or determination to keep the racket up long, and for the most part it was a nice train ride, coupled with an interesting conversation about the civil war with a man who barely spoke English. It was almost two bucks for a can of soda though. Lame. I brought my own for the return trip.

The most startling discovery of the train trip was that George gets his ear blown off by Snape.

The second most startling discovery of the train trip home was that Trenton, New Jersey, was not the worst city I passed. Nope, it was Providence, Rhode Island. The place looked like a war zone, after the battle was over. There was debri and graffitti everywhere, but no gangs. They ran out of stuff to do. The blasted out landscape reminded me of the ancient nation of Crete, that didn't exactly fall as much as everyone got bored and left. Any invaders found there was nothing there worth having, let alone worth taking. Sad.

Anyway, Amber's words of 'that suitcase is kind of heavy' quickly began to haunt me as I dragged the brown rectangular block of cement down the streets of Boston.

I always thought I hated cities, but it turns out I just hate large cities, like New York and Wasington DC. Most of Boston barely qualifies as a city, and looks more like New Hope, only with a third story. It may as well have been a suburb when I walked down the quiet, empty streets towards my hotel. Sure, it was Friday afternoon, but it was still surprising how quiet it was, although the fact that Boston is kind of a college town, and it was the middle of Summer, probably had something to do with it.

I finally made it to the hotel, and the staff was friendly. My room had a definite 'college dorm' feel to it, but it had everything I needed, including a TV with a bad picture and a really loud air conditioner. It made me feel young again.

A quick shower later and I was out on the town. I didn't exactly know what I was doing or where I was going, but I had a map, disposable income, and I was too large to mug, so the city was my oyster.

I don't know how Guiliani got the crazy homeless people out of New York, but they all went to Boston. It wasn't out of control, but there was still one on every block. My favorite was the first one I saw. I was walking next to him (he looked normal enough...although take into consideration that I'm from Jersey), and when two people turned and passed, he turned towards them and shouted:

"You're disgusting!"

He spit.

"You do not lie to the police! You're disgusting!"

I (along with a pretty girl in a red dress) moved quickly along away from him. I wondered if he knew the guy or was crazy. He walked down the street for awhile and started shouting the same thing at someone else.

The next thing of interest I saw was the John Hancock tower. It was ridiculously huge compared to everything around it, and for the remainder of the trip, I'd use it to navigate the city. All I had to do was walk towards it and I'd be closer to the hotel.

After the tower was the Trinity church, which had awesome architecture, filled with tiny statues carved into the sides of the buildings, and a great statue of its founder, with an Emperor Palpatine-like statue of Jesus looming behind him.

I stopped by the CVS (the only convenience store nearby, no Wawas in Boston), and picked up a couple disposable cameras, to document the trip. If I had the forethought to bring a digital camera, you'd be looking at the pictures right now. Still, I'll see if I can scan them later.

I wandered into the 'college' area of town (Boston is split up into completely unique areas, like a videogame), and wandered past all the dang fangled kids and their hot girlfriends. Boston also has a college of music, so all the street bands/performers were actually pretty good. After the college area was the 'commercial district', which pretty much solidified Boston's status as a life-size Sim City. In there I found a Boston Market (didn't eat there, but it was comforting to know that Boston had one), the happiest dog I've ever seen, and an incredibly geeky store 'the complete strategist'.

It has all the content of Gamer's Realm, only 1/4 the space. It's the kind of store that has its products in piles. The owner was going on a rant about how Americans today have more reason to start a revolution against the government then our forefathers did when they fought the British. I decided it'd be impolite to slap him.

For the rest of Friday, I mostly wandered. I found a place called the back bay fens, which is a great park, filled with strange out of control wildlife and gardens you're not allowed to enter. There was also an abundance of chubby girls riding bikes, and as a Queen fan, there's no way I could have not loved it. One even had pig tails. ^_^

Anyway, I wound up by Fenway Park (I was looking for the '5 wits', a real life Myst game/ride), and was surprised by the amount of closed down stores. Apparently, staying open next to Fenway Park is difficult if you can't figure out a way to capitalize on it. The parking next to Fenway park cost $35, which shocked me pretty bad. I wondered why they didn't just park at the McDonalds across the street.

I then saw the sign listing parking at McDonalds during games costing $30. Dang.

I took a wrong turn and accidentally entered the 'bad part of town'. I took a few steps past a hedge and a filthy, deranged homeless man leapt out of nowhere towards me. After seeing me, however, he decided to turn around and look at the ground. Whatever craziness he had in mind (hooting, hollering and demanding money I suspect) was decided against when he saw that I had a full foot and a hundred pounds on him.

Throughout all of this I have to mention that I was drinking more than I ever had before. Well, Boston is known for drinking, and I was by no means an exception.

Water, juice, soda, you name it! I was guzzling it down just to stay alive. Then I fell down.

There was a pothole in the sidewalk that was more or less exactly the size of my shoe. I stepped in it, and the ridiculous reflexes I only seem to have when falling over kicked in. I turned and fell, landing on my back, but scraping up the side of my arm (it just finally finished healing this week). I needed a swig from my soda after that, but found that small bits of gravel had somehow kicked up into it. I was spitting out tiny bits of stone for the rest of the night.

I got some disinfectant, band-aids, and then the best clam chowder I've ever eaten (not all at the same location). Whiskey tavern had a mediocre lobster special (I have to admit though, I'd never broken apart a whole lobster before, and almost told the waitress that I'd been bluffing), but a dynamite bowl of soup. The secret is that the clam was very fresh, and nothing in the bowl overpowered the flavor of the clam. It wasn't too creamy or heavy, and everything perfectly accentuated the taste of the clam.

By then I was tired of walking, but I hobbled back to my room, passed a perfectly restored Volkswagon Beetle (awesome...too bad it was baby blue), and then ran into the craziest person in all of Boston. No one else I met during the trip even came close.

She was a pretty, normal looking college student. I didn't hear her speak and she did nothing out of the ordinary. What was she doing that was so crazy?



At night.

I decided to take her last known photograph.

If it weren't for people like that, serial killers would actually have to get jobs.

I made it to my room, took another shower, watched a game of baseball and then went to sleep.

More on Saturday later.

Friday, August 24, 2007


I apologize in advance, but I have to rant. If I don't, I'll explode. I'll try to make it quick.


Eh, exploding wasn't that I'll just go ahead and rant a little bit anyway. Don't worry, I'll do a full, sillier post tomorrow.

I have to rant because Ben Stein, who has long been the most rational, reasonable and intelligent 'old school' conservative I've ever known, has recently finished a movie about how schools and 'big science' are attacking the theory of intelligent design.

Here's his spiel, from his blog. Feel free to lightly skim:

I’m Ben Stein – many of you know me from the classic film, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” or from my Comedy Central show “Win Ben Stein’s Money”. Still others of you may know me as a speechwriter, for presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. You may even have read my books, attended one of my lectures at The American University, Washington DC, or seen me on the talk shows.

I’m glad you found this site, because I want to share with you my thoughts from time to time here about a subject that is very near and dear to me: freedom. EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed is a controversial, soon-to-be-released documentary that chronicles my confrontation with the widespread suppression and entrenched discrimination that is spreading in our institutions, laboratories and most importantly, in our classrooms, and that is doing irreparable harm to some of the world’s top scientists, educators, and thinkers.

America is not America without freedom. In every turning point in our history, freedom has been the key goal we are seeking: the Mayflower coming here, the Revolution, the Civil War, World War II, the Cold War. Tens of millions came here from foreign oppression and made a life here. Why? For freedom. Human beings are supposed to live in a state of freedom. Freedom is not conferred by the state: as our founders said, and as Martin Luther King repeated, freedom is God-given.A huge part of this freedom is freedom of inquiry.

Freedom of inquiry is basic to human advancement. There would be no modern medicine, no antibiotics, no brain surgery, no Internet, no air conditioning, no modern travel, no highways, no knowledge of the human body without freedom of inquiry.

This includes the ability to inquire whether a higher power, a being greater than man, is involved with how the universe operates. This has always been basic to science. ALWAYS.

Some of the greatest scientists of all time, including Galileo, Newton, Einstein, operated under the hypothesis that their work was to understand the principles and phenomena as designed by a creator.

Operating under that hypothesis, they discovered the most important laws of motion, gravity, thermodynamics, relativity, and even economics.

Now, I am sorry to say, freedom of inquiry in science is being suppressed.

Under a new anti-religious dogmatism, scientists and educators are not allowed to even think thoughts that involve an intelligent creator. Do you realize that some of the leading lights of “anti-intelligent design” would not allow a scientist who merely believed in the possibility of an intelligent designer/creator to work for him… EVEN IF HE NEVER MENTIONED the possibility of intelligent design in the universe?EVEN FOR HIS VERY THOUGHTS… HE WOULD BE BANNED.

In today’s world, at least in America, an Einstein or a Newton or a Galileo would probably not be allowed to receive grants to study or to publish his research.

They cannot even mention the possibility that–as Newton or Galileo believed–these laws were created by God or a higher being. They could get fired, lose tenure, have their grants cut off. This can happen. It has happened. EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed comes to theaters near you in February 2008. To learn more, check out my blog here often … and explore the rest of our site for new developments, or to volunteer to help spread the word.

Ben Stein

Where's all this leading us?

I wrote him an e-mail. I had to. Read on and see why:

Dear Mr. Stein,

Hello, my name is Robert Freeman. I've been a fan of your work for a long time (starting with my all time favorite game show), and although it may seem odd, when I was young, you encouraged me to think objectively and logically, especially in regards to politics.

I came from a VERY liberal family, where anything conservative or Republican was treated as pure evil, but I respected your logic and intelligence, and when I discovered you were conservative, I realized that there must be something to it. I then did a lot of research and thinking, and realized things I never had before, such as that conservatism is a sound federal policy, that there's no such thing as 'free money' (especially when government assistance is concerned), that Nixon was a very good President, and many other facts I never would have known, had I not thought logically and impartially.

No one was more shocked or surprised than myself when I found out the details of your upcoming movie, 'Expelled'.

I believe that intelligent design is a direct attack against science and fact, created through the power of abstract belief and popular opinion. It's one thing to hold close to your beliefs, but when you attack schools for not giving those beliefs the same weight as scientific fact, you attack logic and rational thought itself.

It's true, schools do discriminate against the idea of intelligent design. They also discriminate against the idea that 2 + 2 = 3.

Do you want messages in our children's textbooks that point out that math is just a 'theory', and that the theory that 'two plus two equals three' is just as valid as any other? Should that opinion get equal time in classrooms? Should students decide for themselves what two plus two equals?

All science and learning is based upon fact, and there's no room in there for opinion as well. Evolution is a fact. Intelligent design is an opinion. The only reason schools prevent intelligent design from being taught is because it's based no more on fact and rational ideas than Santa Claus or the hippie movement.

I've always respected you, and I'm not so much baffled by your opinions on evolution, as much as I'm baffled by your assault on logical thought and scientific fact. If you really support intelligent design, then I'd recommend finding sound scientific data that supports your beliefs. Attacking the school system for not bowing to public opinion is an attempt to punish them for having integrity. It makes infinitely more sense to prove someone is wrong rather than attempting to force them to say that they're wrong.

Well, thank you for your time and all the laughs, but I wish you'd reconsider the direction you're taking yourself in. Imagine a game show where the audience 'votes' whether a person's answer is right or wrong, rather than finding out what the real answer is through science and research. Is that a show you really want to be a part of?


Robert Max Freeman

Saturday, August 11, 2007


I'm back from my trip to Boston...but this has gone on long enough. Trips to Boston later, this week it's...


Some may call me mad, but I've been a fan of the ninja turtles for long enough, that I think I might be able to match Wikipedia on random knowledge about Donatello. If not...we'll have to go to a tie breaking round, but if I win, I'll have successfully trounced the internet! Let it begin.



Heralded as the 'smart' turtle, Donatello is also known for his vivid imagination, uncanny ability to create inventions, sensitivity, and almost complete inability to fight. Depending on the series, Donatello's abilities vary greatly in scale (both as an inventor and martial artist), often to the point of ridiculousness, but a normal trend is that the more realistic his inventions are, the better a fighter he is (in other words, if he's invention lazer guns out of trash, you can bet he's going to be the first turtle hitting the pavement). The other turtles tend to refer to him as 'Donnie' rather than his full name (the others being 'Leo', 'Mikey', and 'Raff').

In the original series, Donatello wears a red bandana, as did all the turtles. In the later cartoon series, his bandana was changed to purple, which solidifies his dubious honor of being by far the most effeminate ninja turtle.

Donatello's weapon is the bo (staff), which is a strange choice for a ninja. Granted, it is a traditional ninja fighting style, and was used in the manner Donatello uses it (attacking defensively, with extended reach), but it was mainly used earlier in history, and was considered far primitive compared to the weapons of the other turtles. The bo was most commonly used in China, where Buddhist missionaries were trained in its use, so that they could better protect themselves against bandits. In Japan, people usually learned to use the bo because they had no other option available to them. It's odd that Splinter's master (or Splinter himself, depending on the version of the story) would be trained in a peasant's weapon, but he may have chosen the weapon for Donatello because it best reflected his peaceful nature.

Donatello is the sensitive, introspective turtle, although without the angst, anger or fear that Raphael has. Overall, he works the hardest of the turtles to keep the family together, but ironically he's usually the least effective in the time of an emergency, as he is far less a fighter or warrior and far more a thinker and worker. Depending on the series, he may have a close friendship with another turtle (usually Michelangelo) or side character (Casey Jones or Erma). Possibly due to his sensitivity, depending on the series, Donatello is usually the most likely of the turtles to have a girlfriend, or female admirer. Of the turtles, Donnie is also the most likely to get bullied by Raphael.

Donatello also has a creative side, and is the only ninja turtle who actually reads on a regular basis, and usually has the equivalent of a college level education (obviously self taught). This is usually reflected in the story by his crazy inventions, ability to understand advanced technology, and knowledge of random facts and trivia. When donning disguises or costumes (or for variant special action figures) Donatello is usually a literary figure (example: a hard boiled detective) or sci-fi reference (example: a John Carpenter alien).

Donatello is usually described as the smallest, weakest and slowest turtle (in video games he usually has a lack of speed to balance his greater reach), solidifing his position as the brains of the group. Donatello's presence is usually mandatory for the scene, to give plot exposition or to solve a mystery. When the action actually starts, unless he's fighting on his own, it's almost certain that he'll be the least effective in combat, and probably not get any lines until the fighting has ended. His lack of fighting ability usually isn't pointed out, however, as he still is by far a better fighter than the average villain, but not the villain leaders, as that's the time for the other turtles to shine.

Original Series

The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series was far more dark, realistic and violent. To reflect this, Donatello's abilities were far more realistic, and his inventions were far more mundane. As stated before, when Donatello's inventions are more realistic, his fighting ability improves. For example, in one of the earlier storylines, Donatello hurles his staff directly into Shredder's face, smashing it into a bloody mess. As I said, the stories were violent.

There was a strong sci-fi element to the stories, however, and the fact that Donatello was the only turtle who was computer literate allowed him to understand the technology better than the other turtles.

Donatello was the most solitary of the turtles (Michelangelo and Raphael had the strong friendship), but had many solo stories with other non-turtle characters (most notably an artist that could bring paintings to life, and a humanoid dinosaur-like girlfriend).

Original Cartoon Series

In the 1987 original cartoon series that made the turtles famous, Donatello's bandana became purple, his inventions suddenly became ridiculous, and he lost all ability to fight. It even became a running joke among the fans to keep track of how many times Donatello's bo would break (which happened about every other episode).

Donatello's voice was the sillest and probably most recognizable of the turtles, although many different actors provided his voice in the run of the series. His personality was the overly effeminate and passive one we all know today (a bit lighter than the introspective loner of the original series), and he usually paired up with a side character like Erma, April O'Neil's friend, who was also Donnie's ambiguous girlfriend, or at least female admirer.

For the cartoon series, Donatello created the numerous vehicles and inventions (out of spare parts and garbage I guess) that the turtles sold to children...I MEAN USED IN BATTLE! That's right, used in battle. Donnie also usually drove, which gave him something to do when the battle began.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Original Videogame for NES

Starting here, and with all the video games, Donatello was the slow character with long reach. Strangely enough, in the VERY difficult Nintendo videogame, Donatello was also the strongest, which attributed solely to the length of his weapon. As anyone can tell you, it's not the length of the weapon that matters, but how...uh...perhaps we should move on.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade Games

All the ninja turtle arcade games were basically similar, but the first version was perhaps the best. Donatello was a very popular choice for players (as was Michelangelo), not because of any advantage in the game, but because their controllers were in the traditional 'Player 1' and 'Player 2' spots, with Donatello being in the 'Player 2' spot.

Donatello's staff had the longest reach of the turtles in these arcade games (especially with his jump attack), but his attacks were the slowest.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the Movie

In the first movie, Donatello was voiced by the teen star Corey Feldman, and was portrayed as the brainy genius he usually was, although he didn't seem to make any inventions, and the movie overall attempted to remain realistic. As in the original series (which the movie seems mainly based upon, albeit without the sci-fi elements), Donatello's genius is shown through his ability to fix normal machines, use computers and understand advanced technology and science. Donatello's fighting abilites markedly improved for the movies (and his bo didn't break even once), and he stood shoulder to shoulder with the other turtles in battle.

In this movie, Donatello has a strong friendship with Michelangelo (who like him retreats when Leo and Raff are fighting), and later also becomes good friends with Casey Jones. In both cases, Donatello plays off both of them very well, and in general has a lot more lines (and far more jokes) than he normally has in the cartoons and comics. This was most likely due to the fact that Corey Feldman, at that point a popular teen star, was voicing him.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: New Cartoon Series

The focus and nature of the cartoon series changed when they remade it, attempting to split the differnce between the cartoons and the movies, with silly ridiculous situations, traditional Saturday morning villains, and with some of Donatello's unrealistic inventions. As in the movies, Donatello had far better fighting ability than in the original cartoons (and was also a rather talented acrobat).

TMNT: The New Movie

Suprisingly, the newest animated movie appears to be based upon the movie series, rather than the cartoons. Although no reference is made to the second or third movie, there are many features of the original movie that are present in this one, including: the sewer base converted from an old train station, Shredder's defeat (and apparent death), April and Casey's relationship, Casey Jones's vigilantism, Raphael's dark side, Donatello and Michelangelo's friendship, and the conflict between Leonardo and Raphael.

Donatello's inventions in this movie involve realistic machinery and advanced computer use, but all of which is generally realistic. On the other hand, in the official videogame version of the movie, Donatello's inventions are far more advanced and unrealistic, including mechanized nunchucks for Mikey, which allow him to fly like a helicopter for a short period of time.

In this movie, Donatello has reverted a bit back towards his original cartoon roots, as he's far more effeminate, brainy, and timid than the other turtles. The movie does take time to show, however, that he's trying harder than any of his brothers to provide for their basic needs and keep them together. In combat, he is capable, but perhaps a bit behind where he was in the original movie, and in the final fight he's pitted against the smallest villain.


That's it! Let's see how it compares to wiki...

Pretty close. Eerily close in fact. It goes a bit back and forth, with a lot of good trivia on the wiki page (I didn't know there was an alternate disutopian parallel universe episode of the new cartoon series where all the turtles except Donnie is killed), although there are blind sights in the wiki which I picked up: he mentions Donatello as being weaker than Leonardo in the original video games (which he wasn't), he left out the classic arcade game, and I included more specifics about the movies (although the wiki does, admittedly, include more information about the comics). Overall, Donatello has a very nice wiki page, with a lot of information on the character and abilites of Donatello.

I think we're at a tie. Is there anything that can break this stalemate?


Splinter often called Donatello 'Don-san', which is a way of showing respect to someone, which reflects the fact that Splinter has great respect for the sacrifices that Donatello makes in order to keep his brothers together.

I forgot that.

The wiki didn't.

Damn it, they beat me by a quarter-inch.


I made it far closer of a fight than most expected, but regardless, I have fallen to wikipedia. Yeah, I know that it's arguably the best of all internet sites, and I was a fool to challenge it, but I had to, for the sake of all those that would stand up against the internet and call it an ad-spewing porn machine.

Words like that get a guy slapped down. Wikipedia, I bow to your all encompassing 'universal galactic intelligence' nature, but you alone will not be enough to settle this.

We need a tie breaker! What will it be? How will this end?! Stay tuned.