Damn Normies

So I went to a Fark meetup.

Garret, if you're reading this, you might want to stop now. Go check this out instead:

www.homestarrunner.com

Anyway, I didn't have very high hopes for the meetup. Some farkers are normal, cool people, but for every one of them, there's about 100 that do nothing but post pictures of funny looking owls, cats, and celebrities, while argue over who they would and would not 'hit'.

On a side note, you wouldn't believe how picky most of these basement dwelling neck-beards are. I've seen them post pictures of fairly attractive women, and enthusiastically declare 'do not want', because they aren't 'super model' beautiful, but only a little bit beautiful, or at worst, slightly above average.

It makes me want to shake them by the neck and scream,

"You don't stand a chance in hell of even getting a date with these women, let alone ever get into the position where you'd have the option of rejecting them!"

Seriously, porn has spoiled these men rotten. Have you seen celebrities without makeup/airbrushing? You could pass most of them at the mall and not even notice.

The problem is, thanks to airbrushing, makeup, and sigh...anime...(I'm looking at you, Japan) these nerds are not only spoiled rotten, but don't even realize that real women don't look like that. Hell, even the celebrities themselves don't look like that. In the case of anime, NOTHING looks like that. Dear God, have you seen some of these big eyed anime girls? It's like lusting over a Roswell alien.


Uh...I've seriously gone off topic here. Let's haul this post back on track.

For reasons like the ones listed above, I did not have high hopes for the Fark meetup. I honestly expected the worst, but went anyway, for the hell of it.

You know what? Most of them were cool. Many were kind of juvenille, or a bit simple, or...I'm just going to come out and say it...downright stupid.

No, I'm not going to take that back. More than once, I had to explain jokes to people, and I'm not talking about obscure or geeky references, but normal, straightforward ones. I actually had to break down the mechanics of the joke, and explain why the rest of the table was laughing. One in particular was as dumb as a brick (or the blonde from Family Guy), but her boyfriend was cool, so it was alright.

Normally, I hang out with more clever, complex, and again I'm just going to say it, smarter people, and we get along great.

Here I was, hanging out at a table which seemed to have an average IQ of 97, and only because I was sitting at it. You know what? I had a fun time. Everyone was nice, had a lot of interesting stories, were all very friendly, and frankly brought me right back to my college days.

That's when it hit me.

I hate normal people!

I get along with the geekiest geeks, the strangest weirdos, the dumb jocks, the simple drunks, and the crazy partiers all just fine. It's those damn normal people which I can't stand!

Yeah, you know who you are! You and your primetime television...oh, so you're saying that each episode is an hour of the same day, and with 24 episodes a season, everything happens within a 24 hour period? You know what? YOU FORGOT COMMERCIALS SUCKER! THEY COULD BE KILLING EACH OTHER WITH IMPUNITY WHILE YOU'RE WATCHING ADS FOR AMERICAN IDOL!

On that note, who the hell cares which of those attention whores are going to be the next 'American Idol'? It starts with the brutal mocking of hopeful amatuers, and ends with people paying good money to text their 'favorite' of the remaining competitors. It's basically like a grade school playground, only with money involved.

Oh, and don't think you can move away from the mainstream by watching 'Lost'. It's Twin Peaks crossed with Gilligan's island, only without the charm.

It doesn't stop with television either, I'm talking about those damn 'geek wannabe' sports nuts, especially the fantasy sports team players! No, I don't give a shit about the big game yesterday, or the trade you made last week at the office cooler, any more than you care about D&D 4th edition. The big difference is: I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO CARE!

I'm sending out a call to arms! Geeks and bullies, stop fighting! Barflies and tech heads unite! Farkers and Goons band together! We need to join together and realize that despite our differences, we're all interesting and unique people!

It's those carbon cut-out 'normies' which call all the real problems.

For example, I'm sure there's a politician each of us hates with a passion. You know who elected the official? The damn MAJORITY!

Is there a business or fast food chain you despise? If it weren't for all those damn 'regular consumers' we wouldn't have that problem, would we?

My best relationships have also either been with simple or complex people, simply because a normal person will drag out a relationship they know won't work, or let a problem in the relationship grow until it's a disaster. A complex person will know it's best to get it over with, or address the problem immediately. A simple person will also address the problem immediately, because they don't want to deal with it. A normal person, on the other hand, can let a problem keeping dragging on until it's a complete disaster. Now that I think of it, normal people will also go out with a person they have no intention of dating seriously. What the hell's up with that?

You everyday, run of the mill, average Joes and Janes...your stable relationships that end abruptly, massive credit card debt, straight party ticket voting, and Adam Sandler movies are REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES!

Oh, and don't think I won't call you out by name!

Drivers of brand new cars!

Owners of camera phones!

Middle aged parents of two (one boy, one girl)!

Halo players!

Players of WOW who play no other videogames!

Mainstream magazine readers (besides National Geographic)!

People who change their haircuts regularly!

Skinny people who diet!

Scrubs fans! (sorry Vinny)

Undecided voters!

People who buy more than one music CD a month!

Anyone who willingly says the words, "Let's have a meeting."

People who've seen the first and third movie of a trilogy, but not the second!

People who voluntarily eat at Applebees!

Owners of HD televisions/dvd players!

People who follow sports statistics!

Yahoo users!

People who forward funny e-mails!

People who own at least 20 books and/or DVDs that they've never read/seen!

Fans of chick flicks/sports movies!

Golfers!

People who philosophize while drunk!

People who used to like Tom Cruise, but make fun of him now!

People who wear hats indoors!

Bill McGee! Yes, you!

Kids who sit in the middle of the classroom!

SUV drivers!

Texters!

Tom Hanks fans!

People who circulate inspirational quotes!

Anyone who lists their favorite author as either Stephen King or Nora Robers, and their favorite poet as either Robert Frost or Edgar Allen Poe!

People who volunteer to make toasts at weddings!

Anyone who can hold a full conversation about the weather (assuming there isn't a tornado outside)!

People that don't have a plan ready for when the zombies invade!

People who have stories about their pets that don't involve violence!

Men who shave with a razor that has more than two blades!

People who's favorite superhero is either Superman, Spiderman, or Wolverine!

People who don't have favorite superheroes!

Avid chess players!

Anyone who owns the soundtrack to 'Rent'!

Joggers!

People who give their pets human names!

Talk radio fans!

Serious Billy Joel fans!

People who wonder if we all see the same colors, or if we each see different colors and it's just that color to only us (a sub-division of drunk philosophers)!

Racist people who don't think they're racist!

Sexist people who don't think they're sexist!

People who say their favorite Shakespearean play is Hamlet!

People who care about their lawn!

Anyone who uses a book, movie or song to sum up their personal philosophy...


Either loosen up, or get a grip. In or out? Either grab a laptop, or help yourself to a beer. Pick a side and go with it. ^_^