Heya! Things are kind of busy at work today, so I thought I'd just to a quick one. First, it started as a simple question I heard on the internet: who would win in a fight, Mario or Sonic?

I ignored the question and went on to more worthwhile pursuits.

Just kidding, of course.

Assuming Mario has fireflower, and Sonic has a few rings...I have to give it to Sonic.

Both can attack head on, and Mario can do it at a distance (assuming he has fireflower), but Sonic can slam through mario at top speeds and move a LOT faster through the air. If you still think this places them on an even ground, take into account what happens if they're hit.

Depending on the version of Mario, if Mario is hit he either turns back into large mario, or shrinks directly back into small mario. In any case, as he gets hit, he weakens. Sonic, on the other hand, is just as strong after being hit, with the only penalty being he loses his rings, and as long as he gets at least one ring back, he can still take at least two more hits, and possibly more if he can keep catching that one ring.

That being said, there is one scenario where Mario would easily win: underwater. Again, assuming Mario has fireflower, Mario could easily swim up out of Sonic's reach and rain fireballs (hey, if you accept mushrooms making you big, you should accept using fire underwater) down upon the incredibly slow Sonic, who can't even swim in any of his games. Even without fireflower, Mario could just swim up out of reach and wait for Sonic to suffocate, as Mario doesn't seem to need to breathe.

So, if the fight's underwater, Sonic doesn't have a chance, but if the fight's virtually anywhere else, Mario won't even know what hit him.

Besides, Tails is a much more useful sidekick than Luigi, and I'll take Knuckles over Toad any day.


Now that I'm finished with that episode of pure geekdom...let me start a completely new episode of geekdom!

I've bet you've always wondered: How exactly does Max crash into a new Role Playing society, or roleplaying message board? I think it would go a little something like...

BLOMPKIN (Me):

"Hello? Where am I? Has anyone seen my hat?"

The Avatar, who didn't even have a single clue what an Avatar was, or what the Nexus was, or even that his hat was clearly still upon his head, didn't so much teleport into the Nexus as much as he wandered into it. There was no portal, no lights, no fanfare, and his expression was one of only honest bewilderment. He reached to scratch his head.

"Oh! Never mind! I found my hat, but I would once again like to state 'Hello' in the form of a question, and ask where I am...everything is more...real here."

Blompkin appeared to be a cartoon, but not of the wacky-zany variety. If through their travels through time and space, one of the Avatars had ever been to a planet called 'Earth' and seen animated movies such as 'Wizards', 'Flight of Dragons', or 'The Hobbit', they would have recognized his look. He was drawn to human proportions, but not very well. Everything about his animated appearance suggested his drawing was 'rushed' and for a fantasy story of some sort. Still, he had all the trappings of an adventurer, with a small bow over his shoulder (along with an empty quivver), a dagger in his belt, a belt that looked as if it had been recently repaired after a failed attempt to put his dagger in it, a light suit of leather armor, simple brown pants and boots (animators didn't go into much detail with that), a small pouch of solid yellow gold pieces, a full head of sandy blonde hair, a pleasant face (with a very small nose that was little more than a crooked slash of a pencil), a knit cap upon his head, and a small lute under his arm.

He briefly considered casting a charm to help show him the way...but for some reason couldn't remember any. Funny, he never had trouble using his ill-defined minor magic powers before.

"Oh, and if you've seen my powers, I'm looking for those too!"

ANDROMACHE (other player):

There is a silver shimmer of light a short distance from the new Avatar. As it intensifies, a woman solidifies into Proper.

Andromache Chthoniaos is a striking figure. She is tall, athletic, and undeniably womanly. Her skin (very visable) is a sunkissed mediterranean complexion and her voluminous black hair, pulled back from the front of her face, falls in soft waves over her shoulders. Her sleaveless clothing is white, losely flowing over her form. She wears sandals with a turquoise stone set on the strap between her largest and second largest toes. The laces wrap criss-cross most of the way up her toned calf muscles.

She has one child on her right hip, and another on the left who almost instantly wriggles for freedom and is allowed down onto the grass. The girls, approximately a year old, are almost certainly twins, although the one on her mother's hip is slightly larger and has sleek smooth hair while the youngster with the wanderlust has wild black curls more like her mother's.

With slightly wobbly but determined strides, the little adventurer approaches the new Avatar and, reaching into a very small pocket in her purple overalls, produces an impossibly large orange with one leaf an a small cluster of orange blossoms still attrached to the stem. The moment the orange emerges, the air is filled with the aroma as if the assembled figures were standing in the center of a grove in full bloom or ripeness or if somehow possible-- both. The child squeals with self satisfaction and offers up the fruit to the stranger with a sparkle in her eye.

The other child, in turquoise overalls, claps her hands in appreciation. A soft breeze wisks the newcomer's "missing" hat off his head and it bobs gently in mid air before him like a boat on an invisible sea. The child in purple seems to nod in approval and babbles something in an unrecognizable language. The children both laugh.

Andromache, who has been closely observing the children's behavior towards the stranger smiles broadly and looks across to him. "Kalispera, Avatar. I am Andromache Chthonaios. It is my pleasure--"

"Aiyah!" Interrupts the aqua-clad child.

"Our pleasure," The woman arches an eyebrow and corrects herself with a smile, "to greet you. This is the girls' first official welcoming outing and they're taking their job most enthusiastically." She sets the second child down and nods her forward. "Go ahead Angel, intoduce yourself."

Instead of introducing herself, the child points to her sister and says, "Tee-ah!"

Thea points back and grins "Kay!"

"Good job girls!" Andromache laughs. "On behalf of my family and the citizenry of Xenia, Welcome you to the Nexus."

BLOMPKIN:

Blompkin was simply dumbstruck. This was the most well defined woman he had ever seen in his life. Every other woman he had known up to then had been drawn with much fewer lines. They usually only had a general womanly shape, a simple single colored dress, an incredibly small nose and ears, and hair that stood more or less as a single solid mass. He wasn't sure who Kalispera Avatar was, or why Andro-makey has mistaken him for them, but one thing he had learned in his travels was not to wear more than one pair of pants at a time.

Another, far more relevant thing he had learned was that when a kind, mysterious woman offered you a gift, you had better take it. After all, you'd probably wind up needing the item to complete the quest. He knelt before the beautiful woman and proclaimed, in a completely sincere tone of voice,

"Oh magnificent Queen Andro-makey, I humbly accept your orange, and swear to thrust it into the very heart of the evil dragon that is terrorizing your kingdom, the Nexus. Fear not my lady, for my fruit will strike true, and its peel shall rend the fell beast's head clean off its metallic black shoulders, or else my name is not KALISPERA AVATAR!"

ANDROMACHE:

Thea looks confused and not quite sure what to do with the orange now that the man is kneeling, she looks to Mommy for guidance.

Andromache's gasps. Her eyes widen in the knowledge that all of her years of conditioning and NOMOS training, and field experience are about to fail her utterly. Desperate not to offend or embarrass this new avatar, in the microseconds that she has to attain control of herself she is overcome with a manic internal mantra, mustnotlaughmustnotlaughmustnotlaughohgodshelpmeimustNOTlaugh! She closes her eyes for a perilous moment. Her sides ache with the effort of self-containment, and a single tear slides down her cheek as she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes.
Fortunately the effect is that of a woman overwhelmed by a gallant gesture and not one close to collapsing in a choking fit of hysterics.

Kay, whose own one-year-old standards of decorum are slightly more flexible just giggles delightedly.

An agonizing moment passes as she checks herself once more before removing her hand from her mouth which she offers to the kneeling toon. "Gallant stranger, please rise." She speaks at first somewhat tremulously, but by her second sentence, her tone is warm and even again. "You are clearly and individual of great honor and grace, and your first actions in this new world are both inspiring and encouraging; but as I am not any kind of royalty and you are no one's subject here, you must not feel compelled to kneel."

"Furthermore I apologize, for I have forgotten myself and greeted you, Kalispera-- 'good-afternoon' in the language of my homeworld. I should have used the common tongue for your benefit."

Thea tugs at her mother's skirt and Andromache remembers the mystical-orange-of-dragon-slaying, which threatens once more to break her etiquette, but she takes another breath and continues smoothly. "The orange my daughter, Athena, offers you is one from the trees that grow in my domain of Xenia. It is a gift of friendship and welcome. It will help you find your way to our home, should you seek to visit us, and hopefully it will refresh you after what has no doubt been an extraordinary journey. It will not kill any dragons, nor will any product of my domain do harm to anyone; but it may be a comfort to know that the slaying of dragons is not as necessary in the Nexus as you may have been led to believe."

BLOMPKIN:

Blompkin had heard of this kind of situation before: royalty in disguise. Obviously, the queen before him took delight in disguising herself as a mere peasant woman, in order to escape the everyday drudgery of palace life. The mere thought that such a well drawn woman was not integral to the plot, was just downright silly. Still, he knew it was best to play along.

"Of course you aren't!"

WINK

"Your majesty...and by majesty, I mean 'simple peasantwoman'..."

WINK

"I humbly thank you for this normal, everday orange, that is definitely not an ancient and powerful artifact, forged within the deepest depths of the dwarven kingdoms, by the greatest fruitsmiths of the world, using only the largest seeds, purest water, dirtiest dirt, brightest sunlight, and strongest mithril."

WINK

"I am known as Blompkin, humble subject to all kingdoms, and fighter of evil, regardless whether it is in dragon, goblin, orc, troll, slightly larger orc, or evil sorcerer form."

Blompkin gently took the orange with a smile, as the words 'home-world' bounced off his brain like rubber. That was a concept he wasn't quite ready to come to terms with. The words 'home', 'Xenia' and 'visit' fit in his mind just fine though. Once again, in a completely serious tone of voice,

"With your permission, your majest......miss, I would gladly accompany you back to your castl...house, and meet your husband, the Lord and ruler of all Xen...........humble smith."

With a friendly nod to her daughters, Blompkin then hopped up to his feet, sending his head perfectly back into his hat, and mused to himself, as he placed the orange away,

"I'm surprised that this orange wouldn't be-head a dragon, though. After all, it should be great at neck-tearin'!"