Hmm...I'm not exactly sure what Frank (the commenter) meant by having someone represent the internet. I mean, I'm challenging the internet as it is now, not the people behind it, or the concept of the internet. The only thing I could imagine that being like is a debate, and debates are boring.

So, if Frank, or anyone, wants to challenge me they'll have to make their own website or something. Either that or Rock-Paper-Scissors. I'm good either way.

MAX VERSUS THE INTERNET PART 3

CHALLENGE 3: WWW.FARK.COM

Who needs CNN when you've got the highlights of Stuff magazine, work safe girlie pictures, that thing that guy heard, pictures of surprised owls, breaking hearsay, and everything else www.somethingawful.com throws away!

Who? Those of us who get bored by actual news sites, that's who!

Still, they probably deserve a good jab or two, so here we go.

Fark isn't necessarily a bad site, as it provides breaking news from many sources, but do we really need to know these tidbits, especially since we have to fish through mounds of barely organized crappy links to get to them? Let's find out!

The judge has approved my challenge for Fark, which is to check Fark's posts over the previous two days to see if I can find three links that are genuinely either informative or entertaining (that I wasn't already aware of through other sources), with the added stipulation that any links that don't work because of the massive amount of viewers (AKA: Farked) do not count. If Fark can provide three worthy links in two days, they win. If they can't, I do a little dance.

Let's go surfing!

Dogs banned from capital building. Okay.

Photoshop this cellar door...uh...no.

Protest over teacher's erotic vampire website. Is she hot? Checking...quite...but no link to the afore mentioned erotic vampire website, so I feel slightly cheated.

Blah, blah, blah dollar coins...OOOOO! Stop the presses! There's been a Calendar misprint! How will we ever know when it stops being May the 28th?

Uh...Boston light brite joke...blah, blah, blah, pot growers, blah, blah, blah, Welsh pub meets in church...

Oh wait, here's an interesting one. Apparently Boston has thousands of surveillance cameras installed at mass transit centers to help fight crime and terror. The catch? Nobody's watching them. Yup, they just sit there and record on their own, but apparently nobody's really keeping track of them either. The link goes on to describe a robbery that occurred right in front of the cameras, but the police didn't get around to checking the tapes in time, and they got copied over.

Guy: "Mr. Officer, do you have my robbery on videotape?"

Officer: "Oh, I'm sorry man, I copied over it with adult swim last night."

Guy: "Oh..."

Officer: "Dude, did you see the new show, Saul of the Mole Men?"

Guy: "No, I was getting robbed."

Officer: "Dude, it was hilarious!"

Well that was a good use of taxpayer money. The cameras copied the crime and it just got copied over, Phoenix Wright style (those of you who don't know what I'm referring to are either suffering from 'haven't-played-the-most-awesome-game-on-the-DS-syndrome' or are still stuck on the fourth damn case).

I'M HONESTLY SHOCKED THAT FARK DIDN'T MAKE A MOONINITE JOKE. POINT FOR FARK.

Hmm...well, back at it...

Dang! Two links down and we find a really fun side-scrolling adventure flash game called 'Millie and the Lost Sword' with an amusing, anti-WOW/online gaming theme to it, and the advertisement on the side of the screen has a hot girl in a thong on it.

Could a guy ask for more?

OH MAX...

What? I'm a geek! If you take away free video games and girlie pictures, what does that leave me? Snacks alone? I'll be dead in a week!

AH, YOU HAVE A POINT...ALTHOUGH WHAT A WEEK IT WOULD BE...POINT

Damn it Fark! Start sucking! I'm only one site away from...

Ah, a guide to LARP (live action roleplay)...I feel much safer now...

Girlscouts on Meth. Funny, but no...

Prison cats on decline. Prison cats? In that same vein, there's 'family' prison cells for people in Spain who want their families to live with them. Seriously.

Heroic dogs...robbery on billionaire's home...Batmoblie for sale...evolution Sunday...Obama is running for president...didn't he do that already? I thought that was a given? No surprise there...

Puns...puns...giant wang sculpture...fear of grannies...

Most heroic wedding picture you'll see all day? A soldier's wedding photo? Why's that...


Dear God.


Oh.


Ouch.


Uh.


Wow.


Wait...it continues onto her gallery of other photos of wounded war veterans and...


Oh.


Oh god.


IS THAT A SMALL TEAR I SEE, MAX?


No.


OH, BUT I THINK IT IS...


*SNIFF*


WAIT! IS HE...


*RAISES HAND*


IS HE?!!!


*TAPS OUT*


MAX: 2, INTERNET: 1


OH MAX, WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT THINGS ON THE INTERNET? HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED? YOU JUST CLICK ON YOUR E-MAIL...WHICH IS MOSTLY SPAM...AND THEN GO.


Well perhaps you're...NO! NO, I CANNOT! For I have challenged the internet and I must follow through!

I claimed Fark was little more than a load of brainless work-alternatives, but it proved me wrong.

Fark.com is like panning for Gold AFTER the big rush began. You're not going to get too much reward for your trouble, but as long as you're easily entertained, you'll have quite a bit of fun at Fark, and possibly find a heart touching moment, or better yet, some partial nudity to boot!

Well met, Fark. Well met.

*Slaps self in the face twice*

I gotta keep psyched up! Next time...it's Google Image's turn!