For everyone who reads my blog and heard about my mother's accident, she's doing perfectly fine. Nothing was broken or severely hurt, and she's home and on pain killers right now. Long story short: a woman in an SUV ran a red light and plowed right into her. The car is more or less totalled, but again, Clare's fine.

JENNY'S QUESTION

Q. What does mean mean?

- United States


A. Oooooo...now the tricky part of this, is I can't really use the word 'mean' in my answer, or we get one of those stupid dictionary definitions that go something like:

Ironic: adj.- To involve a large amount of irony

NO! This answer must me ridiculously complete! Oh, and I know she isn't referring to mean as in cruel, so we'll avoid that copout. Now, here we go!

Mean: The meaning of...

DAMN IT! TAKE TWO!

Mean: The word mean means...

Oh for the love of...TAKE THREE!

Mean: The word mean...has a definition of being...a word that lets us know...the true nature of a word, object or event...and may also be used to refer to the true nature of a person's speech and intent...within the context of MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN!!!

DAMN IT, I CAN'T HELP IT! HOW THE HELL DID WE EVER LEARN THIS WORD WHEN WE WERE KIDS?!!! Read the above definition right up to my inevitable breakdown. Did that make any sense? NO! Would a kid understand that? I BARELY UNDERSTAND THAT!

Hmm...how would I explain this to a kid?

"Okay, Billy, today I'm going to teach you the word: mean. No, no, Billy, not mean as in angererd, but mean as in 'meaning'. What's the word 'meaning' you ask? Well, when we don't understand a word, or what another person is trying to say, we ask what the word 'means' and what another person 'means' by what they say. We want to understand the word, but what we really want to understand is the word's meaning. 'Meaning' is what the word...m...me...(no Max, dig deep now, don't cave in)...is what the word truly is, so when you asked what the word 'mean' is, I had to tell you that mean is what a word is.

Yes that is proper grammar Billy, now please don't talk back or question me unless you want the flat end of a shovel across the back of your head."

WHOA! Where'd that come from?! Man, sorry Billy! I guess I'm just a bit sensitive about this issue. Still, that's about the best I can do:

Mean: verb- what a word is

I know what's coming next, so as to avoid any unnecessary Clinton jokes:

Is: verb- a nature of a subject's true existence and/or definition

Yeah, I know.

Existence: noun- to be real, or what is real about a subject

Real: adj.- to actually exist and not be imaginary or false

Okay, now the hard one.

Definition: noun- the mea...(NO NO NO!)...what a word is...(STOP STOP STOP!)...the true nature of a word.

There.

Done.

Not good enough, little Billy? Very well.

True Nature: noun- *shovel across the back of head*

What? I warned him. He had a knife. You saw it!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some digging to do...which leads me to recommend the 'Shovel' as the next Clue weapon! Just one swing and you're ready to dig in one easy step! No muss, no fuss!

Ta ta!