What, no love? I've gone two weeks without any comments. Hello? Anyone there? Fine! I'll just have to say something completely controversial in order to get everyone's attention. In just one moment, the comments section will be aflame with all out war! Here we go:

Ketchup killed more people last year than Hitler!

Your move, America.

Pat's Question

Pat was a little vague as if this was his question or not, so he might get a second one if he asks nice:

Q. What bad habit/hobby (by society's standards) has served you best in life?

A. Oh, no question about it: gaming.

Now, roleplayers don't get struck by the canes of elderly self-righteous malcontents as often as they used to, but it's happened to me. Not actual smacking, but an older woman once came up to me in college and asked me if the roleplayers "Pretended to kill eachother" or "Acted out killing eachother" or "Acted out murdering innocent people", but I was able to set her straight with a firm and definite, "Sure".

Okay, I probably didn't do the gaming world much a service that day, but we generally don't need it anymore. We've become as mainstream as Pokemon and Mario thanks to Wizards of the Coast (the best thing to ever happen to D&D, with THACO as my witness).

Roleplaying, outside in the yard or at a table with dice and paper, has a distinct advantage over videogames in that it forces you to talk and socialize. In fact, if your GM is a good one, you HAVE to socialize or you'll have to live hand to mouth with combat experience only. The fact that I was usually running the games forced me to be even more social than normal.

Of course, gaming always involves talking to the same people...or does it? No matter who you game with, every few weeks or so, someone's going to bring along a person you've never met before, who might me *DUN DUN DUN* a girl! Now, this is no problem at all now, but if you go back to myself as a teenage boy, this is a serious situation!

The trick is, especially with running the game, I had to play characters who had no trouble talking with people I didn't know. Even if I could hardly go three sentences without cramming my foot into my mouth, my characters had to or they wouldn't work as characters. My characters had to be relatively smooth and charming, so in a sense, I had to become smooth and charming as well...okay, at least when compared to how I was beforehand.

Now, after years of gaming, I can easily have long, drawn out, witty Oscar Wildeian (without the gay pedophelia) conversations with anyone, attractive members of the opposite sex included. I can even write the word 'sex' in my blog without blushing. Hot diggity dog!

Roleplaying helps in the business world as well.

Okay, now let's all step back a moment and carefully examine that last sentence. Do not use this sentence out in the real world. No, not even in a bar. No, not...well okay, you probably could say it during a geeky gaming session, but otherwise this is the kind of comment that is restricted to the magical world of blogging.

Nevertheless, roleplaying helps in the business world as well. In fact, the business world is a lot like a roleplaying game, when you come right down to it. Everyone wants something, and you can gain rewards and experience by giving it to them. Sometimes you have to perform a series of actions. Other times you have to give them a quest item. In the deeper, more noteworthy roleplaying games (it's impossible to overpimp 'Planescapes: Torment'), you can complete the quests by selecting the right replies to their statements, gaining more possible replies depending on what you've done and how high your ability scores are.

Need an example? I thought so:

"Good morning, Mr. Blompkin C. Clockwise."

*Handshake, strength check 15*

"Nice grip! Now, if you'll just have a seat, we can begin the interview."

*Sits, opens inventory, uses resume on interviewer*

"Thank you...and may I say how neat and orderly this resume is! It's almost as if you have a tremendous amount of expereince with writing positive descriptions of yourself and your abilities!"

*Asks carefully planned question based on internet reseach from the night before*

"Why yes, we have at least fourteen of those! What an incredibly thoughtful question! Now, let me tell you about the position..."

*Listens to flavor text, checks for clues and key words*

"Do you have any questions about the position?"

*Restates key words in the form of a question and then remarks thoughtfully upon them in a shameless attempt to gather bonus experience*

"Yes, but only in the Buffallo and New York offices. Here we'll only be working with the standard versions of the software. Now, do you have any experience through your past jobs with this kind of work?"

*Recount the glorious epic that was your last job, complete with convenient ommissions and shameless self pimpage*

"Really? How does that last part connect with what we do here?"

*DAMN IT! Exaggeration spotted! Think quickly on feet and come up with plausible explanation*

"Hmm...I see what you mean."

*Whew!*

"Oh and this is my secretary coming in now. She'll be sitting in with us for the interview."

*Shakes hand with attractive secretary while being careful not to look at her chest. Treats her with respect, without blushing.*

"Great! Now, if we could just continue with the interview. So what's your opinion on 'incredibly technical jargon'?"

*Pieces together as much as possible from memory and gives a decent answer*

"Really? I thought they didn't do that anymore."

*ARGUE THAT...wait! Arguing with the guy in charge just slows things down, possibly cuts at experience and never solves anything! Instead accepts that they might be right, thanks the reviewer for informing him of this, mentions that they'll have to check on that after the session just to be sure, but immediately follow up with an amusing, yet relevant anechdote involving a past experience that directly ties into both the topic and at least one of the buzzwords previously used in the flavor text*

"Wow! That sounds like exactly the kind of thing we do here!"

*BONUS EXP!*

"Is there anything else you feel you can bring to the company?"

*Unveils secret weapon: the incredibly geeky level of knowledge on computers, technology and the internet, that all true gamers possess!*

"Excellent! Excellent to hear...oh, I see you worked at the same place the last applicant, 'Min-maxing jerk' did. Did you work much together?"

*Despite tremendous amount of desire to tear worthless ex-coworker apart, it is well known that back-stabbing is never appreciated by the powers that be, even in a competitive environment. Good teamwork is always better rewarded...but the min-maxing cockbite may have stabbed you in the back, or may do so later, so makes mental note to watch for secret meetings and notes being passed between him and the interviewer later, but as for now, mentions that they were on different teams, and then casually changes the subject to one of the buzzwords previously used*

"I am impressed! Out of curiosity do you play..."

*Prays that this isn't about golf*

"...World of Warcraft?"

*SCORE! Exchanges WOW anechdotes...and goes for the coup de gras: Asks if he has stairs in his house.*

"I am protected."

*I am so in*

"Mr. Clockwise, it is my pleasure to inform you, on behalf of our company, that you are so in."

*VICTORY DANCE! DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!*

"Uh...Mr. Clockwise?"

*PUMPS FIST REPEATEDLTY!*

"If you could please..."

*SPINS CHAIR OVER HEAD TRIUMPHANTLY!*

"That's quite..."

*LEVEL UP!*

"Please stop."

*...uh...admits getting a bit carried away...apologizes*

"That's quite all right. Here's your packet on employee benefits."

*Shakes everyone's hand, fights off instinctual urge to hug secretary unless she tries to hug him first (an important lesson for all male gamers), inspects loot, and then takes the insurance related documents to the HR department to have them identified*